Octoberborn

slowing down

2012-02-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

Because of another upset stomach episode I'm again eating totally simple food & seeing my homeopath this aft for a tune up. Man I hate being sick....& if this is a result of enjoying myself & doing so much - well - I sort of saw it coming.

And now that I have a date for the return of my sublet owner, I look around in dismay at the "spread" of my stuff from room...to room...to room...from the teas, some foodstuffs & second hand clothes I've bought, Xmas presents, the pile of library books & DVDs & my writing & art materials...now all these have to fit in my 2 suitcases to take to my next sublet in a couple of weeks. Of course I've been thro this many many times while travelling & only once had to mail a box of stuff home when they didn't fit in my suitcases!

The photo is of a dish of heirloom carrots my daughter cooked. Yum!

moving around...until today

2012-02-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have been on the move all week - walking AT LEAST 2 hours every day - incl yesterday 4 hours on my feet & walking up & down stairs in the morn, & AT LEAST 3 hours walking in IKEA.

So - today I'm taking a break: reading, watching a DVD, being really lazy (that's OK since it snowed all nite!) & will only go to the library to return some books & pick up a coffee (it's my coffee day - hurray!!). That's it!

Unless something really exciting comes up...

a visit...

2012-02-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

this morn to my old workplace in T.O. I saw people I used to work with, & the renovations/changes that have been done, & the department where I worked for 4 (?) years. At the time it looked & felt like a library lounge - there was a small sofa, lots of plants & old library-style card catalogues...now it looks like a very impersonal office. Sigh.

I also got to talk with one of the managers with the most responsibility & pull, who has known me since 1998. I wanted to give him a heads-up that I'll be looking for a position PT or contract in T.O. when I leave Yk in a couple of years. I wanted him to know how I love the job, but find it harder year after year to be so far from T.O., family & friends & the city I love. I will send a CV for his files. He's a good listener & we talked opera for a while, as well as wondering about the corporation's status in next month's upcoming federal budget.

When I left I felt a shift in my mood - towards thinking about the inevitability of my return to work in just over a month. And it'll wrankle me for a while, as the transition always does, but I'll be fine after a week or 2. I'm pretty sure that going back a week early to "be" there will help.

finally a date...

2012-02-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

Today the gal whose apartment I`m subletting e-mailed me that she`s back in 2 weeks. Yikes! It`s almost like I can `see` the end of my 7-month leave; this is how my life seems to proceed - in chunks. Chunks of time. Times I wait months for, to go on holiday, or seemingly endless days, weeks, months of work with no letup. (Lucky for me I`m on leave, as there are no holidays in this month in NWT...)

Lucky for me - I have another friend who will let me stay at her place for the rest of my stay...AND I reserved a week`s trip to visit a friend in Nova Scotia in March.

I suppose I want to think thro if I`ve done all I wanted to, on this leave, since I still have time. I have been very fortunate, getting my health back...finally, & having this opportunity to `practice` for my future.

Which starts every day, as I`ve learned.

Love From Afar | NOW Magazine

2012-02-09T06:35:00.003-07:00

Love From Afar | NOW Magazine

Last nite I went to see this opera. The libretto was very very fine & the music was transcendant, contemplative. The fact that each of the three characters had "helpers", ie clone-identities that "acted out the story" physically on behalf of the singer who told the story, & stood as support, or floated/ran/danced across the stage expressing other aspects of the characters. I came out of the building in a trance state, totally "in" the mood of the story & presentation.

I found the review in NOW magazine reflects my view, so I put the link here.

sacred hoops

2012-02-08T09:30:00.001-07:00

“Then I was standing on the highest mountain of them all, and around and about me was the whole hoop of the world... I was seeing in a sacred manner the shapes of all things in the spirit and the shapes of all shapes as they must live together like one being. And I saw that the Sacred Hoop of my people was one of many hoops that made one circle, wide as daylight and as starlight and in the centre grew one almighty flowering tree to shelter all the children of one mother and one father, and I saw that it was holy.”

From the vision of Black Elk (Lakota: 1863 - 1950)

yoga..."injury"

2012-02-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

Haha - I'm suffering from a yoga injury to the muscles in my abdomen I haven't used...much. Every Wednesday after my Tues class I'm sore in those places I've stretched - usually in my thighs & neck. Today I did a position on my belly I've certainly done before - years ago. And I guess I wasn't ready. However - tomorrow I'll see how sore I am & where. I love this class & wish there was something like it year-round in Yk.

How I spent Monday

2012-02-07T06:42:00.002-07:00

Yesterday in the drum circle I finally sang the "call" out loud. The song is called Longest Walk (you can find a version on Youtube - Demin Kwe - tho it's called "Logest Walk", incl the typo!) Up to now I've told the drum leader to pass me by when it comes my turn in the circle to solo. Yesterday I sang for the 4-5 seconds it took - my voice was weak, wavery, pathetic, cracking....every "negative" thing I could imagine! But I did it! She always says everyone's ability & desire is different - some people only drum, some only sing, & every week there are different people. (I guess I figure they'll never see me again, so why not do this?) I would like to sing these songs like lullabies - I don't have the piercing strong vocal chords the amazing women who sing them have. I've been "practicing" with a CD & some Youtube videos, so I feel like I'm "finding my voice", like I did for radio...tho in this case I'm not "a natural"! It's incredibly good to finally DO this. I felt relief & embarrassment, nearly cried & then relief again as I realised they would not get around to me again for 5 minutes!

Later I went to OISE for a Leonard Peltier prayer vigil in the "Peace Lounge". There were labour union reps there (CUPW, CUPE & one other...), guys around the big drum & interested people. I had quite a discussion with a retired engineer who sat beside me; he knew as much about the melting permafrost, methane fields & other arctic issues as I do. It was a really nice diversion. He even understood when I said I'll be sad when I retire with my wealth of knowledge & info & no place to put it: he said I should become an "advocate" for northern issues. The most amazing thing - there was another person there from Yellowknife, but I didn't realise it until I was leaving, so we didn't talk.

Then back to the sublet for an epsom salts bath & rivetted to the TV watching Law & Order: UK. Fabulous!

Hyemeyohsts Storm comment from an interview

2012-02-06T03:24:00.003-07:00

"When people become afraid and sad, Hyemeyohsts advises them to go back to the planet that gave them birth.

"Go touch her, let her calm you, let her love you, let her speak with you. That's my message, and I think that it's been the message of Creator forever.""

I know what I miss

2012-02-05T20:26:00.000-07:00

I know that I miss the natural world of the arctic: the incredible black bowl of the sky at nite & the unbelieveable stars & aurora, and the 24-hour sun in summer which makes me manic.

I've been thinking about this all during my leave, my time away from Yk. It's the natural world that inspires & buoys me - the summers that bowl us all over so we try & get as much outdoor time as we can, and in January & February the sun glittering on the snow & the sky so blue you can't help but smile...and honestly I handle the dry cold quite well. I've aclimatised to it. And I've been thinking there must be some way to bridge my earliest years in Finland, with the last almost-10 years in the Canadian arctic, in some form of writing. Of course I've been writing poetry all the time, & having fun with a few prose marathons. The place & the weather conditions - especially the long dark - are conducive to writing, I think. This needs more thought.

BTW these are Yellowknife stats today: SUNRISE 08:56 and SUNSET 16:48. And at the time of the June solstice: SUNRISE: 3:43 AM SUNSET: 11:38 PM. And of course between 11:38 and 3:43 - it's still light because there's pre-dawn and dusk.

Pema Chodren and HALT

2012-02-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

"The moment in which we give in to our addictions is a moment in which we are all caught up — in which there is tremendous karmic momentum to go forward in the same old way — to scratch the wound. This can be a wound which really bothers us — we can see the wound bleeding, we can see it getting worse and we will not stop scratching. We can actually even feel quite nauseated by what we are doing, but we just will not stop!

"What allows us to stop is maitri, which in this case means a basic feeling that we do not have to be afraid of what we are feeling, that we do not have to look for alternatives, that we aren't ashamed of what we are feeling in this moment. We are scared of what we are feeling. Instead, we can just send our warmth toward the wound, or the warmth toward that instant of time just to be there, as the working basis."

This interested me because I have been trying to understand my appetite/eating habits in the past year: from no appetite to wanting to eat everything in sight, to wanting sweet/salty/unhealthy foods/snacks instead of good healthy food. A while ago I heard an interview with a gambling addict; he described a program he used to heal, in which he first identified he was vulnerable when he was HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY and TIRED. This was the HALT identification he used. So...now & then I think - am I H, A, L or T? Or 2 of the 4, or all 4? In fact, I basically don't want to think about it - I just want to eat what I want to eat! (I think that's a new attribute - BRATTY!)

Woman in Black

2012-02-04T05:16:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I saw the Woman in Black film, much touted on radio & in print. I was going to go see the Iron Lady but on a whim chose the Woman. I love all the historical detail in this film, the lack of background music & the cast. The locations & cinematography are outstanding. The script is not bad, but I didn't like the ending - hokey. There are too many gratuitous loud scary bracing noises & "faces in windows", which get tiring after a while.

I suppose I've seen so many "Victorian horror" films that it's hard to scare/impress me; Deborah Kerr's film The Innocents was simpler, more scary & had an elegance to it that this film is missing. And Hill House (sometimes called The Haunting), also simpler & also B & W like the Innocents, left a lot to the imagination, which made it all the scarier.

fascinating dream

2012-02-03T21:10:00.002-07:00

I was on Aboriginal land to see a concert, with my grown daughter. We went to an office, with a porch. There was a man with his grown son. The son was walking around slowly, vomiting gooey black material, which looked like caviar. The father walked beside him, patting him on the back. The son vomitted some on me. I looked at him & realised he wasn't fully conscious, & not aware of what he was doing.

I went outside & saw a girl I went to high school with: she was about 35 & had started a hip hop group on the reserve "18 years ago", as she specifically told me. We hadn't seen each other since 1968, but she quickly told me how she had "found her life here" & had been accepted by the community. (This is a girl who in real life had to go to a friend's house to listen to rock & roll, because her parents were so strict!)

She showed me around & introduced me to the man & his son. The dad explained he had a kind of epilepsy. I told him about mine & suggested the drug I was taking. I wrote it on on a piece of paper.

There was a beautiful sunset & we watched from the porch as people arrived for the concert. It looked very much like the place I used to go for powwows in August.

oh yes, there's this:

2012-02-01T08:29:00.001-07:00

"Take time to marinate with your breath. Don’t force anything or rush straight into your next breath. Notice the very natural stillness and slight pause after each exhale. Infuse gentleness into your breathing. Marinate for a moment with its nourishing flow. Don’t push your next breath into the future, particularly if you haven’t even got there yourself. Become present, live in the now and experience the pause after your next exhale. There is a pocket of peace to be found in that pause." - Carol Fogarty

The "pocket of peace" she describes is the "gap" between breaths that I pay attention to, in shamatha. I've been doing this for almost 40 years, so it's second nature now, but I remember when I first started "getting it" - it was like finding a jewel - a jewel I'd always had, but hadn't paid attention to. The trick of course, is to carry this attention to breath thro out the day, in the stress of work, the irritations & frustrations that happen - & not just on the meditation cushion. It's all well & fine for me to read this stuff, talk about it, reproduce it in this blog - but I also have to WALK THE WALK!

walking & yoga update

2012-02-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

I've managed to walk at least 45 minutes a day this past week. I mean purposeful walking - not just the getting from place to place that I do every day anyway. I'm STILL walking way more than I do in Yk. I'm usually out by 9:30 (that's 7:30 Yk time!), whether it's just to get some groceries, a coffee, or to go to an appointment.

And I LOVE my yoga class: yesterday we did some positions to help massage internal organs & she talked about the value of breathing. I know my capacity for breath in my lungs/abdomen has already been increased. There was a lot of coughing (from the smokers - altho one said she'd just quit last month & we applauded her!) when we did the rapid out breath exercise. What's really wonderful is that it's coming back to me, from the early 70s...like organic memory. THere are cultures that say there is memory in the breath.

water & wisdom

2012-01-31T15:03:00.000-07:00

"The Buddhadharma is like genuine water, which has no color or shape. It is pure and natural. This is genuine wisdom. All the world’s different languages and cultures are like the container for this water. Without the container, the water cannot be preserved."

- Ponlop Rinpoche

the voice, the drum, the joy

2012-01-31T09:23:00.002-07:00

The last 2 days I've been able to spend time with my daughter & her drumming/singing group/friends, & they have always accepted me as who I am - wannabe singer/drummer & mom. I'm able to drum along, & sing in my sometimes strong voice. Most of the time I just sing along, trying to learn the words & vocables. I'm so impressed that these gals can remember countless songs & even COMPOSE them! That's inspirational in itself. And the fact that they sing at ceremony for elders & youth, AND host the public...they are just marvellous. Community, culture, music.

I know that singing (& being with others in a social occasion) stimulates the endorphins & (with coffee or without!) this is what happens to me. In past I've been in choirs & sung Xmas songs, etc., but this is....very different. I feel very very lucky to be able to take part in the drum circle every Monday.

The photo is of the drum I made last week. I also want to paint a design on it; as I looked at the surface of the hide, I saw shooting stars, a lake/sea shoreline & big rocks! I'll paint the stars, but the rest has to be clear for the drumming surface. The white ribbon is one my mother gave me & the green is for Mother Earth & all living things. The purple bag has tobacco in it, the white has an aventurine gem in it, & the sweetgrass braid is barely visible. Aho!

Weekend stuff

2012-01-28T10:49:00.001-07:00

Last nite I watched The Help with a friend; an amazing film, much deeper than I expected. (Again, I didn't know much about it, except that it was about domestic help....& wow was it so much more!) The cast was very good, almost believeable, except that the young housewives were too skinny....but the representation of them as detestable "monsters" was well done. (I kept asking my friend which wife was which, as they were so similar, so interchangeable. And I suppose that was the idea in those days in that town - be as alike as possible.) Another friend said now she's going to read the book it was based on. If I can find it in the library, I'll put it on my "to read" list.

I've had a slow morn - watched The Diviners on TV (can't BELIEVE how they edited it ruthlessly to fit in the time period...!) - & now am trying to decide what to eat. I have no appetite, but I have to eat.

Currently it's snowing like crazy; I don't even feel like going to pick up my mail from my mother's. Maybe I need a nap, a lie-down with a book...I turned the TV off & am listening to the radio. Yes, I need a distraction.

Susan Piver says...

2012-01-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

"My dear friends. Please know that I wish for you only peace, joy, and love. But it is impossible to avoid the sorrows of being human and actually, if it were, we would cease to be human. At the core of anger is great vitality. At the heart of sorrow is love. Underneath fear is sadness, which is soft and workable. When you turn toward anger, sorrow, and fear, in some way you are gaining access to vitality, love, and great tenderness. You can’t separate them.

"It would be a very small being indeed who could tolerate only the so-called positive feelings. You are capable of a vast range of emotion and connecting with this storehouse also connects you to poetry, passion, and your own brand of utter brilliance. We have a choice: feel it all or go home.

"So it behooves us greatly to learn to meet our difficult emotions; our meditation practice can help."

- from her blog

sublet

2012-01-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

When I moved into the sublet in October the coffee tables had china figurines & ceramic candle holders on them. I put them away so...they wouldn't get broken. Plus they were in my way. Now one coffee table has my library books/DVD/CDs on it. The one nearest the sofa I usually sit on has my laptop, hand lotion, a DVD & a bottle of water on it. The dining room table had a collection of small statuettes & gems on a brocade, on it. Now it has a laptop on it (where I use it, as the connections lead from behind me in the kitchen), the statuettes, a small tray with my collection of loose teas, my notebook, address book & a daytimer, my SAD lamp & 2 calendars.

So far those are the only changes I've made while staying here. I moved some of the cushions to a small sofa I never sit on, & the plants so they're spread around the living room. I've only entertained a little, so I've left things the way they are. Also there will be less for me to fix when I go. If it were warm weather I'd spend time on the balcony, but that's not doable. I've used 2 drawers of a bureau & 10 hangers for my clothes & 3 coats.

One full month left in this sublet.

sometimes you just don't know...

2012-01-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

Last week I started reading a book with a terrific cover photo, an interesting name & the premise that each chapter could stand on its own, as a short story, but reading the whole book would be...a novel. I hesitated many many times, nearly putting it aside for another book, but I kept thinking...one more chapter - maybe the characters will become clearer, have more flesh & I'll be able to relate to them. Especially the lead character. Well, the other night I finally discovered who the lead man is - & I don't like him at all & 100 pages in, I didn't want to know any more about him. I put the book away & started in on Carson McCullers' The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, which I know I will like, as I read it decades ago.

Sometimes I just have to defer to something familiar, instead of something new & strange. This is one of those times.

heavy duty tonglen

2012-01-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

I sat in on a tonglen class at my meditation centre tonite. (The place was packed - & I wonder if we're in one of those times when people are seeking spiritual guidance. This seems to happen with us every 20 years or so.) I've been practicing it since the early 90s, off & on, when called for. This time, in this class, as we were guided thro, I had a really intense surprise visualisation or my 2 uncles, both in their 90s in Finland. As the instructor said, sometimes these things happen - out of the blue. There is another class next week.

re-post: Nature Deficit Disorder

2012-01-25T09:41:00.001-07:00

"A lack of routine contact with nature may result in stunted academic and developmental growth. This unwanted side-effect of the electronic age is called Nature Deficit Disorder (NDD), coined by author Richard Louv in his book Last Child in the Woods, to explain how our societal disconnect with nature is affecting today's children. Louv says we have entered a new era of suburban sprawl that restricts outdoor play, in conjunction with a plugged-in culture that draws kids indoors. But the agrarian, nature-oriented existence hard-wired into human brains isn’t quite ready for the overstimulating environment we’ve carved out for ourselves. Some children adapt. Those who don’t, develop the symptoms of NDD, which include attention problems, obesity, anxiety, and depression.

"Nature-deficit disorder is not a medical condition, but a description of the human costs of alienation from nature. This alienation damages children and shapes adults, families, and communities. There are solutions, though, and they’re right in our own backyards."

crazy solar activity

2012-01-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda missing being in Yk for the crazy solar flares happening since the weekends. Aurora is supposed to be exceptional tonight - if the sky is clear. I've enjoyed the clear nights in T.O. - don't let anyone tell you that stars aren't visible in the city: you just have to know when & where & even how to look.

drum making & other pursuits

2012-01-24T16:59:00.001-07:00

I took part in a drum making workshop today - 2 hours putting together a white pine frame with white tail deerhide. There were 20 of us. The instructor told the story of how the drum brought peace to the Anishnabe and Lakota tribes by way of a young girl, & then we made drums! I had to undo the threading, as I did it too loose...funny how everyone elses' drums looked perfect, & mine was uneven, but unique! You can see the drum in its starting-to-thread state, just before I undid it all & fixed it. Friday I have to cut the "umbilical" cord & do a ceremony to initiate it. I'll need a tobacco tie & some other meaningful trinket for the underside. It has to dry for a couple of days before I play it. It's kind of exciting to anticipate what it will sound like! And this one I'm going to paint a design on. I have 2 other drums: one I brought with me for my leave & one I left in Yk.

I'm just getting ready to go for a walk down Yonge St; not sure how far or how long, but I look forward to it, especially since I chose the drum workshop over my yoga class today.

daring, gentleness, sanity

2012-01-24T03:31:00.004-07:00

"When there is daring, you dare to do something: you put forth your vision fearlessly. People have doubts about big vision because they don’t have a sense of gentleness in themselves first. So gentleness brings daring and a sense of fearlessness. Daring is appreciation of letting go in the fundamental sense. First you develop gentleness toward yourself; then you begin to develop daring, which is connected with how to express your gentleness to the world outside, how to proclaim your sanity...The softer you become, the greater the message to the world becomes."

- Chögyam Trungpa, rinpoche

moving around today

2012-01-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

I walked on Yonge, St Clair, Bloor and Sherbourne, & later back to Yonge & Bloor & up to Summerhill (it had stopped raining by then!) That added jup to at least an hour of walking. It seems that my "walking all in one lump" is not going to work very often, however I'm making an extra effort to walk between subway stops, espec when the weather is good.

Chinese new Year horoscope

2012-01-23T14:11:00.001-07:00

Rat: “This should be a year that goes well for the Rat, but be aware that things will be difficult at first and then it gets better. If the Rat is willing to work hard, be adaptable, do more and learn more, then pleasing results can be achieved in finances and career.”

today's meanderings

2012-01-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Walking today consisted of some on Yonge, some on Queen East, some on St Clair & some on Millwood near my daughter's place. Not sure if it added up to an hour, but....I'm sure it did. I was "on the move" from noon to 11:15 PM, only sitting still in a restaurant, at a friend's for tea & at my daughter's visiting. I feel well & good exercised! In fact, my left ankle is....tired. I don't think I'm at my best physically first thing in the morning (muscles & joints are at their most vulnerable & stiff....) so I'm going to stay flexible with my walk times.

Tomorrow - Bloor & Sherbourne: will see how far I can walk up Yonge from there.

More about the Ancient Trail

2012-01-22T06:23:00.001-07:00

"The ancient trail beneath Davenport Road may have become known to Europeans in the 1600s when French traders, missionaries, and soldiers entered this area.

"With the arrival of British settlers and the establishment in 1793 of the Town of York (now Toronto), the footpath was forever transformed. The trail through the forests allowed travel to and from newly settled lands, and was eventually widened to accommodate horses and wagons. The new road was named "Davenport" after a house built on the escarpment for John McGill in 1797.

"As the forest along its length was cleared for farms and industry, the ancient trail beneath Davenport Road became an important link to small villages such as Yorkville and Carlton, and to the City of Toronto's markets. Beginning in the 1830s, the former Lake Iroquois deposits of gravel, clay, and sand were transported along Davenport Road for the building of the city.

"Paved in one section with wooden planks in the mid-19th century, Davenport Road featured toll booths at its major intersections to finance the roadwork - one has survived at Bathurst Street, and is now a museum. By the 1890s, an electric street railway ran along Davenport west from Bathurst. Since the 1930s, increased automobile traffic has led to further widening of the road.

"Created by ancient peoples, the Davenport Road route is today a busy urban thoroughfare."

walk walk walk

2012-01-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

Ok this morn I walked down to Bloor, then west on Bloor to St George, then back to Bay & down a couple of streets, then to the Bloor subway & back to the sublet. Along the way I found 5 pennies at different locations on Yonge, & enjoyed the sun & the various joggers/shoppers/dog walkers on the way. I'm sure I'll sleep tonite!

When I felt myself walking "too fast" (hurrying? why?) I slowed down & made a point of looking in store windows, or stopping when there was a point of interest:

At Davenport & Yonge there is a parkette & these info panels describing the ancient trail that became Davenport Rd.

B-I-G decision re: exercise

2012-01-21T06:22:00.001-07:00

OK I've decided that since I need major exercise/fresh air every day, I'm going to walk for (at least) an hour every morning: straight down Yonge St to begin with, then maybe I'll switch to Avenue Rd or St Clair...there has to be a cafe at the end, for my reward, & a subway stop to get back to the sublet. I may extend that to 90 minutes - who knows how far & how long I'll go. Or I may also do an hour in the aft. I'm now getting off at the 6th floor from the elevator & walking up 20 stairs at least twice a day. i feel so good after my yoga class - no, not exercise but great stretching & breathing - that I want to extend that to some cardio.

I figure I've got about 60 days, give or take, in my own personal little boot camp.

mindfulness plus

2012-01-20T09:39:00.002-07:00

"Mindfulness allows us to tap into an exponentially deeper level of experience than simple conversation permits. By then allowing this visceral process to unfold, we can allow our basic creative drive towards health to return us to our essential selves."

- Rob Fisher, MFT

Early Friday

2012-01-20T08:06:00.001-07:00

OK it's 10 AM & I've already been to Sunnybrook & back - that's 2 hours on public transit, to return the haltor monitor for my cardiac test. Silly cranky me, I believed them when they said it "HAS" to be returned by 9 AM. Hrmp! But I did have a muffin & coffee in the cafe area of the hospital main floor before I started back. I felt I had earned it.

And this begs the question - how do they expect a person to sleep wearing wires attached to sticky monitors, attached to a shoulder-purse style pack....? I may have got 4 hours of sleep, if that. So the record of heart activity will not reflect a "normal" day/nite. Well anyway - I foresee a morning of laundry & reading, & an afternoon nap, for sure.

Thursday in the snow

2012-01-19T16:48:00.001-07:00

I had a hospital appt this morn to get a heart test done & by the time I got on the bus to come back the snow had started. It's windy, so it's not that fun. I don't care to walk around when it's windy.

This aft I went to see a film called Take Shelter: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/movies/take-shelter-an-apocalypse-for-our-times/article2198642/
- very genuine, no recognisable actors, & a script that had me guessing til the very last minute. I love it when I come across a film that was worth seeing.

research?

2012-01-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

I've used Wikipedia two or three times, urged by coworkers - I don't like the premise & found errors. I never used it again. I'm not excited about today's blackout. I know how to find what I'm looking for elsewhere online - or in a book, in a library. I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about. The website seems to be another "rewriting" of information which is already available on paper.

Scorpio horoscope for today

2012-01-18T09:14:00.001-07:00

"Your ability to weave a web of mystery is making life more interesting for everyone around you, so make sure that you're spinning tales and showing others how awesome life can be."

revitalising

2012-01-18T07:04:00.001-07:00

I absolutely LOVE my yoga class! The instructor is so wonderful, so RIGHT for seniors, has a positive way of teaching, & a sense of humour, teasing gently those of us who can't quite get it right the first time....me with my eyes closed lifting my legs instead of my arms, eg. People of all colours & sizes & shapes are taking part; I'm one of the few "new" ones. I so wish I had something like this to continue with, in Yk.

I'm relearning how to breathe properly (I've already increased my lung/breath capacity!), how to scan my body & visualise the tense muscles & the organs that need a little extra attention.

horoscope for today

2012-01-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

"Today holds tremendous potential for magnetizing what and who you want into your life. Others are hospitable and open, and you are feeling especially affectionate. Personal magnetism runs high, and a soft, natural, and humble approach is favored now."

an hour at the cafe

2012-01-14T09:49:00.001-07:00

I decided to head out early to have my Saturday coffee (& a decadent awfully good & calorie-filled chocolate croissant...never again!!!) & found myself a terrific comfy easy chair looking out at the corner of Yonge & Pleasant. I had my book which I'll probably finish today, but also the lovely feeling of space in this "public living room". The manager is cheerful, greets everyone who comes & goes & seems to really like what she's doing. I feel very content there.

I read for a while, eating my croissant & wiping the chocolate off my face & fingers after every bite...then I watched the sparse traffic & people walking tentatively on the frozen slush & maneuvring their hats & scarves to avoid the wind. (It's -13C & colder with the windchill, but the wind is not constant.) I enjoyed watching a tall & large man all kitted up - carrying a small dog shivering in a coat, under his arm, & 3 workmen in their overalls, hammers & other carpentry tools hanging from their belts, ordering coffees to go, after much discussion about the creams & sugars to add, & talking about which wall to knock down first, & where to start with the drywall.

I then picked up a couple of cake plates from the dollar store, to replace the ones I dropped & broke (accidentally) yesterday (it was Fri 13th). They're the same colour as the ones that fell, but not the from 1970s. They weren't antiques, but maybe sentimental favourites.

When I returned to the sublet I saw a woman just outside the entrance fall on the ice. When I caught up with her & asked if she was OK, (she was) we shared stories of our "worst falls" as we rode up the elevator & parted cheerfully. We both had an attitude of "why be angry at the weather, since there's not much you can do about it?". She said she was "all properly dressed" (& she was - she'd do well in Yk!) with boots & quilted coat & hood, scarves & big mitts, & even windpants. Good for her I say. Good for her! Why limit your Saturday morning activities because of a bit of winter cold & wind - all you have to do is dress properly & you're good to go.

I think of my now & then dark winter days when nothing interested me, when all I did was run the schedule on my worksheet & the TV, & I admonish myself for being so small-minded. How can I possibly be bored, when there is so much of interest - small & large - going on ALL the time? Well, it's the human condition, yes, but I do know the cure for it, for me - the city I love, full of people from all over the world, museums & galleries & archives & parks & architecture & courses & libraries & stores, my friends available for a visit within 30-45 minutes on public transit, & family welcoming me for dinner or movies or just a drop-in visit. Which is what I'll do this aft - see my brother's family & what they're up to.

My new pullover

2012-01-14T03:44:00.002-07:00

This is the authentic traditional Norwegian pullover I found at Goodwill ...for $5.99. I priced it online from the label - for $300!

the 20 perfect minutes of today

2012-01-13T12:30:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's Fri the 13th. It's been ages since I paid attention to the negative possibilities of that date. So far doesn't mean anything.

I went to the AGO right at opening & was the first person into the Chagall exhibit - beat all the silver-haired ladies in their best shawls & furs, the tourist couples in their hiking shoes & anoraks & the school kids - eeeeee I heard them coming in at 10:50 when I was already finished my visit.

I'm glad I walked thro the Chagall exhibit again, tho I wasn't going to; the upended lady with the circular breasts caught my eye this time. She reminded me of Sedna, of the Inuit myth. I then spent some time with Riopelle, Milne & Kandinsky. It was mostly just me & the security guards! Then I studied the wall of Norval Morriseau's & some of the ancient pipe stems (why have they not been buried??) on display. I walked quickly thro the old masters gallery, on my way to -

the Galleria Italia, which is a silent, window-filled magic presence at one end of the AGO. It displays tree sculptures carved into the centres of planks of wood, and into one huge tree trunk. The wall of windows was all the more special because it was snowing, & I could see the wind swirl the snow down the windows & away. Across the street are some of the original Victorian row houses with their lime/raspberry/plum wooden trim, all the more gorgeous on this snowy day. (I so hope they NEVER gentrify that row OR tear it down. It kind of represents all the lofts & poverty-ridden studios artists stereotypically painted/worked in....) I sat down in one of the artsy easy chairs facing the street & watched the snow twirl down the window. The sky was pale grey, which made the painted houses across the street all the more neautiful, & the natural wood in the inside-a-whale gallery positively glow & breathe. As I was leaving a security guard walked thro & we simultaneously commented on the quality of the quiet - like a refuge from the weather & the noise & hustle of the city. (Hmmm...I wonder if I can work there as a security guard when I retire...)

Just as I was leaving the building, the screeching mob of school kids came in. I do so hope they each have an adult art afficionado to bring them in, without the mob of their peer group so they can take the time to ask questions & see if they like art, if it says something to them, if they want to express their creativity.

By the time I got on the streetcar, it had stopped snowing & the slush (yuk!) had taken over the streets & sidewalks.

The only glitch in my visit? The 5th floor espresso bar wasn't open...I'll have to go back!

only Thurs

2012-01-12T21:13:00.001-07:00

Once again I've had a busy week - lots of coming & going - sitting shamatha at my Buddhist centre every morn, meeting friends, spending time with my daughter, starting a yoga class, getting a therapeutic massage, seeing a movie (saw Tin Tin today with a friend; as I kept saying, I don't usually like animated film, but at least this didn't have snarky humanised talking animals in it: all the characters were "human", even tho they had big noses!) & at LAST finding a great book I can't wait to get back to it ("Rapture" by Liz Jensen). I worked a little on my August novel, saw some terrific TV shows & docs & enjoyed several flavours of coffees. (I don't usually stray from my "regular" coffees; I liked one of them, but I think I'll stick with my usual brew.)

I think about my job less & less. I was telling a friend today how I'll be "finished" in less than 2 years & will be back in T.O.to stay. The idea is both scary & exilarating: so much to plan & get ready for - just like my move to Yk in 2002. I heard myself say I don't really care if my replacements have made a mess of my databases, & that I am going to try my darndest to open up my life to more than just my job, for the 18 months starting in April.

Yes, I'm getting more "exercise", but I'm still eating too much of the wrong things - but wow am I enjoying it! Now that my health is not so much of an issue - it's easier to enjoy my free time. I look forward to a last look tomorrow at the Chagall exhibit before it's on its way. (And they've announced a Frida Kahlo-Diego Rivera exhibit next fall-winter....can't wait!)

new series

2012-01-10T20:45:00.001-07:00

The new CBC series Arctic Air started tonite. I've been looking forward to it for almost a year. Unfortunately I was already in T.O. when they were filming in Yellowknife. I had great hopes for this show, espec since it stars Adam Beach. However....I must admit I was bored 10 minutes in. There are lots of men, lots of planes & mechanical problems, talk of money & business....Hmmm...I wonder if this is another show aimed at the male 18-35 market. I wonder where that bar is, with the skimpily-clad dancers.... I like the dad character, & I'm hopeful that the others will be expanded on as the show proceeds. It's exciting to see a show about the NWT, with some Aboriginal characters; I hope they show all sides of the resources rush, since it's completely timely. Of course I'll continue to watch: there are issues aplenty in the NWT I hope they'll feature.

ya yoga!!

2012-01-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

I started my weekly yoga class today & thankfully the teacher specifically teaches seniors - & she didn't talk down to us. The venue is one of the oldest synagogues in T.O., now a community centre right downtown. There's a fantastic cupola AND chandelier on the ceiling, & there's plenty of natural light. Afterwards I felt great, like my circulation has been rerouted...and about time too.

horoscope: scorpio

2012-01-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

"You find yourself lost in conversation today -- in a good way! You may realize you're late for an appointment or meeting, but you're better off canceling it and doing what feels right."

...which is exactly what I decided to do this morn &....it DOES feel right!

"4"

2012-01-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

Last week I saw a doc called "Four", directored by Tim Slade, featuring Vivaldi's Four Seasons, with musicians Sayaka Shoji, Niki Vasilakis, Cho-Liang Lin, Pekka Kuusisto. The different seasons are placed in Japan (Tokyo), Australia, USA (NYC) and Finland (Lapland). The first three segments were interesting, but I particularly enjoyed the part filmed in Lapland in winter. Kuusisto was particularly fun - clever, a violinist who reminded me a little of Nigel Kennedy. Great February viz of winter & the concert, in a lovely house in the country.

awakened art

2012-01-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

"There is such a thing as unconditional expression that does not come from self or other. It manifests out of nowhere like mushrooms in a meadow, like hailstones, like thundershowers.

"The creative process can be a form of meditation in action. Artists do this naturally when they are called by a blank piece of paper, an empty stage, an idle instrument, or an unplanted garden, and they allow inspiration to naturally arise out of that space.

"If that inspiration is met with mindfulness and awareness, it can go even further, connecting to an unconditional life and energy that others can perceive and experience. This is awakened art.

"The creative process is half of the equation; the balance is an awakened viewing process that provides the means to fully perceive what is being communicated."

– Chögyam Trungpa, Rinpoche

devotion & independence

2012-01-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

"In having devotion do we lose our independence? I consider if I were not pursuing the path of Dharma, I would lose so much more of my independence to my own scattered, distracted mind. And then when you are on the path you see more interdependence between all things, actually. When we don't see this, we think we are more independent. but this is just our mind playing tricks on us. When we see that interdependence clearly, it is true we do gain independence from that confused state of mind - but we are always interconnected with other people."

--- Dungse Jampal Norbu

what a gorgeous day!

2012-01-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

It went up to 7 today, with some cloud & wind, but warm enough that when I went out in the afternoon, I wore my "fall" coat with a thick sweater - no hat or mitts. It's January!

After my morning sitting session I walked two subway stations east to a cafe & had my lunch, with a nice view of sunny Bloor St & people enjoying the day. I started noticing how many dads were out with their kids (no moms in sight) - not sure if it was "dad's day with the kids" or "mom's at the spa" - either way - it was an interesting thing to note. I found a terrific little market & got some blueberries, tangerines & bananas.

Currently - listening to Terri Clark's Northern Girl (she means Canadian)...I like it!

sitting...shopping

2012-01-06T13:05:00.001-07:00

I had that "should I? Or not?" in my mind this morn as I dragged myself to the centre to sit the second day of 7. Again there was a good crowd, incl one of my oldest Buddhist friends - I think he was the one who first brought be to the centre in 1974 (?). The first 45 minutes wasn't bad, tho my mind was very wild. After walking, the second set of sitting was the hardest. Things hurt. I had to adjust my leg, arm, neck, gomden...After another walking session, I found the zone again - that half-asleep I-don't-much-care-about-anything-right-now-I'm-just-sitting-and-that's-all state that reminds me why I do this. The zone lasted almost 2 hours after I left.

I decided to go to Goodwill again & see if the lovely little bowl I saw a few days ago was still there - it was! So now I have two little Japanese decorated bowls. I also found a Chinese mug-with-a-cover, to replace the one I misplaced somewhere. Plus I bought 2 books of Native stories (with wonderful illustrations!)for my daughter.

Back to the gomden

2012-01-05T16:45:00.002-07:00

I started a 7-day meditation intensive this morn: two hours at a time, twice a day (except I'm only taking part in the morning part). There were maybe 14 people there - an interesting group of people, two of whom I recognised from w-a-y back when, but who didn't recognise me. Plus there were no chants - I feel there's something missing when there are no chants at the beginning or end of a sitting session. Oh well...at least I can still do this. And...I plan to continue saying the chants on my own at home, because they enhance the kind of Buddhist I am.

After about 10 years....

2012-01-04T19:07:00.001-07:00

I finally got together in person with a friend I haven't seen since we worked together in T.O. about 10 years ago! She left the country & I moved to Yk, but we kept in touch thro postcards, occasional e-mail & phone calls when I've been in town. Today - I went to her house in the Riverdale area of town. She's been renovating the house all the time she's been living there - her living room is like a warm Victorian parlour, like something Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson would be having tea in. She has two very old stoves & a vintage fridge, to fit into her plan of each room representing a different historical era. I enjoyed my visit so much, with her lovely big dog & seeing the houses in her residential area.

BTW this is NOT her house in the pic.

2012-01-04T06:53:00.001-07:00

I now have upcoming appointments for an EEG, & a CT scan, to find out what's happening in my head!

Last night I had some of the most interesting dream activity - it was within 10 minutes of lying down & closing my eyes. I was dreaming, & aware I was dreaming. All I remember was many robot-like shapes advancing towards me, however, they weren't scary & I wasn't afraid. I woke up momentarily & then went back to sleep. I didn't dream again. It was like "speed-dreaming"!

I watched a DVD of the Virginia Woolf story "Mrs Dalloway". Yawn....I kept waiting for it to get interesting. Yes, there was a 10 minute window of interest towards the end, but mostly it's an English costume drama (which I usually love) about aristocratic angst. Vanessa Redgrave was totally predictable, & one of my fave actors, Rupert Graves, dies mid-film.

Then I was up til 1 AM watching an English TV show called Time Team in which a team of specialists carries out an archaeological dig over a period of three days, with Tony Robinson explaining the process in layman's terms. I've seen it in past & am always glued to the screen: I LOVE archaeology. In this episode they were digging up possible church foundations on Cornish islands off the coast of England. (Tony Robinson is the actor who played opposite Rowan Atkinson in Blackadder. He knows his archaeology!)

food...& bad cholesterol

2012-01-03T07:39:00.001-07:00

I got the word from my GP, from my blood & urine tests, that things are OK, but my "bad" cholesterol is "high". Yes, my eating habits have been bad the last 2 years. (BTW my "good" cholesterol is fine.) I've checked many websites for tips & the foods they all mention - I eat them already - nuts, fish, no fried foods, lots of fruit & vegs - so I guess all the "extras" I eat are the problem.

And my sedentary lifestyle. I'm so active in the summer that I'll bet if I got tested then, the numbers would be better. Anyway, I'm now more active, walking hours everyday, & am starting a weekly yoga class next week. And I have been planning MORE movement for a long time. I will do it.

aft-eve happenings

2012-01-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

This aft I took over all those Finn-language books I found at Goodwill to my mother & aunt. They seemed to have fun looking thro them. I visited for a short while & meant to drop by a local book store but when I got outside I remembered there are 2 multiplex theatres just up the street. So - I picked one & had a look at what films were just starting. I got there just in time to see Hugo, a sweet little Martin Scorcese film about a boy who lives in the clock of a Paris train station, & his adventure discovering one of the pioneers of silent cinema. It was good to happen upon it at the right time.

I watched a DVD about the Guadeloupe Mountains National Park - New Mexico, Texas, etc. Some history, lots of beautiful scenics. Makes me want to go back to NM one day.

Now there's the first episode of Billy Connolly's Edge of the World, which I've seen several times. I just love his attitude & sense of humour.

I got a bulk e-mail from a New York City sangha member, asking for a cat-dog sitter for 4 days in February. I replied, saying I was thinking of a short trip in February, & asked what his neighbourhood was like & if it is far from the airport/bus terminal. It's fun thinking about it, even if I don't go.

So far....

2012-01-02T11:24:00.000-07:00

...so good! Haha it's Jan 2 & I've managed to get lots of (walking) exercise already this year, & curb my desire to buy & eat crap. I feel balanced so far, & looking forward instead of feeling "stuck" for most of the day. I have started writing onto a calendar page all the yoga, meditation, medical appointment & visiting friends events to come. I suppose that is a substitute for a full work schedule. Meh...There is a lot to do, free & not, & I can see & understand it now.

This morn I watched an interview on BBC Hardtalk (?) with James Earl Jones; he's always been an actor I've admired. He described his racist grandmother & how he decided not to be like that. They moved from Mississippi to Michigan & he learned a whole new way of looking at race. His stories are worth listening to. He described how he is a "journeyman", an actor who will take a job because it interests him, not because he'll be paid millions. He asks what job is REALLY worth over a $ million....that made me think of the pro athletes & movie & music stars, models & authors who are paid unconscionable amounts of money for...what they do, & which is totally not in sync with what it is they've done. Fascinating interview.

I went for my morn coffee & got a window seat on the street, & watched the sky change from cloudy & grey, to some sun & blue sky, & a flash snowfall that lasted maybe 10 minutes. The coffee was good. I then got some strawberries & took a roundabout way back to the sublet. I took some pix of houses east of here & entrance to the ravine - too slippery to go down the very steep steps...but I will go back. By the time I got to Yonge St the wind had picked up & the radio keeps saying "an arctic freeze" is coming. Hmmm...

horoscope - be an example

2012-01-01T21:56:00.001-07:00

"Your dreams of a better world will seem crystal clear while the favorable planetary alignment lasts. Balance your internal and external life with robust exercise and you stand a better chance of achieving these dreams - beginning with your own life. Be an example of what you want for the world. If it's a healthy world you want, why not be the picture of health in your own world? Start by doubling your daily intake of water."

the morning is done

2012-01-01T11:05:00.002-07:00

The morn dawned rosy & brisk, but now it's cloudy & raining off & on. I watched a DVD of Don Shebib's classic Canuck film Goin' Down the Road (wow talk about realism & a downer...), worth a look. Hoping for more Canuck films to come.

Last nite I watched the second half of Mary Poppins - my fave part is the chimney sweeps' dance on the rooftops of London! - & enjoyed that. Then I watched a hour of music videos from the mid-80s to the mid-90s...THAT was fun - if it hadn't been so late I would have been up & dancing! Finally during the last 10 minutes of 2011 I switched between NYear's celebrations in T.O., Hamilton & Times Square. Interesting that both Canadian cities had some hip hop/rap musician on just before 12; New York had a singer do Imagine. THAT was nice. Then they sang Auld Lang Syne, then Sinatra's version of the New York, New York song. It was very apt, even a bit international. I was in bed by 12:10.

At 11 this morn I went out & got a coffee to drink @ home with my muffin & then listened to a live broadcast by Dzigar Kontrul Rinpoche. I've signed up for a meditation "intensive", which starts Thurs at the centre & runs daily 10-12AM and 7-9PM to the next Thurs. I may also do a course there the following weekend. I'm challenging myself to get back to the gomden (how often has this happened?), as I think it will balance me & maybe help me with sleep & dreaming. We shall see.

travel horoscope 2012

2012-01-01T10:44:00.000-07:00

Travel is part of your personal philosophy as the year 2012 begins. It does not take much to navigate unfamiliar turf. The 2nd half of the year 2012 indicates plenty of journeys with business or work partners. The probability is of journey by air. It is better to discuss with a travel planner if you plan to move overseas. You will also have a good business opportunity if you travel abroad. You will also go for long drives and spend a considerable amount of time with family members and friends in the second quarter of the year. Travel to the hills may prove good for you during the year 2012. Plan your trip in such a way that you will enjoy it.

Scorpio health horoscope 2012

2012-01-01T03:31:00.004-07:00

In 2012, your health will remain good: just stay alert to not eat too much. Devote some time for relaxation also. It is high time to do away with the habit of wasting valuable energy on petty issues. Your recent prolonged illness has taught you an important lesson- the importance of keeping fit. Do not allow hypocrisy to creep into your relations otherwise you could face loss of mental peace. Give yourself a dose of social company to boost spirits, because you enjoy happiness in the company of friends. Make sure that fresh air and vigorous outdoor activity features in your health routines. Take special care with the liver.

New Year's Eve

2011-12-31T14:10:00.000-07:00

Once again, it's the last day of the calendar year. There's nothing special in the air, there's no change in the weather, the season, or the length of the day (well...maybe a minute or 2 longer than yesterday) or the behaviour of people. Not yet, at least. The parties should be starting soon. I'm just pleased to be in T.O. this year @ the change of the calendar.

I've had fun looking at various scorpio horoscope sites for 2012 & am sure I'll be doing it again tomorrow! I haven't found a common thread yet. One says I'll be travelling "by air" next year (well, not sure if I'd take the ice road from Edmonton to Yk on my own...since I don't DRIVE), & another mentioned my 2011 "illness". They all say it will be an "important year for family" or that I should be more "assertive" at work. And I may do that, but right now I'm picturing myself back @ work working r-e-a-l-l-y SLOW, taking lots of breaks & seeing if that makes any difference in how I'm treated. (Plus which I'll have a new boss when I get back there.)

I enjoyed a flavoured coffee this morn, something I very seldom have. I usually have the standard "house" coffee. This was good: "noisette". I also had an almond croissant. That was my treat for the day! Yum!

Now I'm half-watching Casablanca...hmmmm....I certainly have seen many movies this season with Nazis in them...it's been a while since I saw it. I appreciate "old" films more & more as I get older. I suppose that happens to everyone. Eh?

end of the day

2011-12-28T21:03:00.001-07:00

It was a good day: I loved the briskness of the cold. I'm used to that - the dry fresh cold of the arctic. My bones weren't aching today.

After having a lovely coffee with a modest croissant, I found several DVDs @ the library & watched Tom Cruise play a one-eyed Nazi in Valkyrie. It was a good cast, but the pace could have been better. There were long moments where the plot lost me - I was wondering who invented those jodhpur pants & who the Nazis got to be their tailors & boot makers...& I paused it several times to make a cup of tea & wash dishes. Worth watching but I'm glad I didn't pay $12 to see it on the big screen.

Around 4:30 the sun was still shining so I went downtown, to the new Bulk Barn on College, to see what kind of foods they have. Mostly candy, but I did get some nuts & whole wheat spaghetti. Then I walked over to the Maple Leaf Gardens grocery to get some Earl Grey tea; they have a smart little tea booth with lots of loose teas. And of course I couldn't be downtown without going to my fave dollar store. They have their Valentines Day decos out already. I was only needing some scotch tape, but I enjoyed looking at some of the sillier items - eg a plastic bracelet-style digital watch - the numbers are so small I couldn't possibly see them. I think that watch would last a week.

I had a quiet eve, doing some knitting & wrote a few paragraphs in my August novel. I really DO want to finish it. I'm very very close to the end.

It's Wednesday

2011-12-28T07:01:00.001-07:00

This week I've seen a couple of films (Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - the Hollywood version, & War Horse) & slept late & even didn't get dressed til noon on a couple of days. Now with snow & slush on the ground I'm reluctant to go out just for a coffee or a walk. (They're calling this a "big storm" & saying it's "bitter cold"....if they only knew...) But I must. It's snowing lightly right now but I see the sky brightening up, so I'll be on my way to the library & to get some bananas, oatmeal & milk. Once again I'm avoiding any flashback 2011 TV & radio shows; I feel I've already "reported" on them in this blog & seen what I want of them.

OK - off to start my day.

Viz of the season

2011-12-26T08:20:00.002-07:00

Two of my brother's dogs, & my sister's tree all dolled up for the season.

And now it's over....ahhhh....

encounter on the street

2011-12-22T18:57:00.003-07:00

This morn as I was leaving the cafe with my coffee I was talked into conversation with a young man representing one of the international medical aid organisations collecting money to dig wells for clean water in Africa. I listened patiently to his shpiel, then told him where my year's charity donation has gone (to support one girl in NWT going to a YWCA camp on the land in summer). I said how wonderful it was that his organisation is, to help people thousands of miles away in need, but that I couldn't help thinking of Canadians in rural & remote areas living without running water, perhaps in terrible housing conditions....ie there are people in Canada living third world lives, all the while we send medical personnel and aid to health & life across the seas.

We had an interesting talk. I wished him well & went on my way.

Solstice in Kensington, Williams-Whitman

2011-12-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

It was worth getting wet (rain), cold (damp), stepped on (dark) & my hand hit by a wooden rod (one of the tall puppet heads held by humans) to attend the Solstice-return of the light celebration last night thro Kensington Market. I don't quite understand why people would bring their small dogs on leashes & their toddlers, & let them be near-trampled on in the dark...but I have my own issues - getting wet, tiring of hearing drums playing a samba beat for....30 minutes straight, & trying the see where I was walking in the dark; I suppose it's time to forget about these after-dark activities as my eyesight deteriorates. (Or get a seeing eye dog to intimidate everyone around me.) Plus which everyone nowadays seems to be taller than me, so I didn't see much of the dancing/fire lighting. And I got tired of tramping thro the wet park in the dark & cold, so I left before the bonfire.

Right now I'm listening to A Sea Symphony: Vaughan Williams using the words of Walt Whitman:

O vast Rondure, swimming in space,
Covered all over with visible power and beauty,
Alternate light and day and the teeming spiritual darkness,
Unspeakable high processions of sun and moon and countless stars above,
Below, the mainifold grass and waters,
With inscrutable purpose, some hidden prophetic intention,
Now first it seems my thought begins to span thee.

I wonder what the "spiritual darkness" is...I personally think Whitman was capable of astral travel.

Happy Winter Solstice everyone

2011-12-21T09:42:00.003-07:00

who'd a thunk it?

2011-12-21T08:39:00.002-07:00

I remember snickering at exercise videos when I was in my 20s & 30s...& didn't need them. I did a minimum of "exercise", like yoga, but mostly walking, & didn't think I needed it, because...I looked like I didn't. NOW....well it's a totally diff scenario: I'm sedentary, eat too much (& the wrong things) & the yoga & tai chi I have done the last 9 years, altho they kept me flexible, have not helped with my weight & strength. So...

I've seen Jane Fonda on the talk show tour flogging her new book/exercise video, & she talks not only about exercise & fitness at her age (74), but about the after effects - feeling positive, confident & having more energy. she talks about being the "subject of your life", & being present. I've been moved by these statements & again this morn she was on TV talking about it. So just at the time when I'm bemoaning my energy-less state, she came along with an idea I think I can do. I've ordered the DVD. For 2 or 3 winters I "danced" in my living room, to my fave music. It was good, but things like heart palpitations & other illnesses made me stop. THIS will be a reincarnation of this activity - it will be on the screen & I will play along.

Altho I don't make new year's resolutions, today is the solstice - I promise myself this. More moving, one day at a time. Plus I have a plan to join & go to a gym with a friend when I move back to T.O. to maintain fitness, stay active & improve my life.

Panoramic Vision

2011-12-20T06:13:00.002-07:00

"Mandala is a Sanskrit word that means “society” or “group.” Once you stand in the middle of the mandala or the situation, you can see the panoramic view of all the directions. This is also connected with feeling unique or alone—loneliness. Only you can see this vision, rather than somebody else. If we are willing to centralize or stand in the center of what is, then we accept that “I am alone and my spiritual journey is my experience.” This is the real experience of freedom and independence. Then we begin to see that being alone is a very beautiful thing. Nobody is obstructing our vision. We have complete panoramic vision."

- Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche

newspapers, etc.

2011-12-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

I mostly read newspapers nowadays, online (not every day, but occasionally). Only time I read the print ones is in the library, in a cafe if someone's left a copy there, in the subway, again, if someone's left it there, or when I visit my mother. She gets the Saturday fat paper, & she & my aunt share the other daily one. However - I basically only skim the headlines....it has to be an incredibly important, controversial or well-written article for me to read the whole thing. Both online AND on paper - not sure if I'm just not interested or am impatient, or (most likely) have already heard & seen everything about the item on radio/TV.

Happily, on another note, I feel well enough most of the time, that I'm not lying in front of the TV like a hospital patient, watching too much TV. Espec daytime TV....what was I thinking? I hope my road to wellness continues - I still feel different every day, & never know what my energy level will be. But hope for the best. Today I spent 2 hours in a drum circle, trying to sing from the abdomen, as is my next goal. Too bad there's no circles until Jan 7, but I guess that means I have time to practice.

Weekend stuff

2011-12-19T14:15:00.002-07:00

I had a busy weekend - & even managed to have one of my 5-second "perfect moments" while sitting in a cafe with a drink & a muffin & my book. I looked out onto the Saturday street, with the traffic & pedestrians, the cloudy sky. There was a nice buzz in the cafe & out on the street. It was perfect - I felt content & relaxed for that short period of time. When I left I had a smile on my face that lasted all afternoon. I went back to the sublet - & had a nap! In the evening I had dinner at a friend's house: a good visit & the resulting feeling of friendship. Always an inspiration.

Sunday I finally got to Tafelmusik's singalong Messiah; I've beein looking forward to it for years. Even tho I don't read music & can't really sing...it was great fun. The whole thing - lining up with excited adults, seniors, & teens, watching people find their vocal range seating area, & enjoying the performance. I used to turn my nose up at the "pops" concerts which had classical orchestras playing bits & pieces of symphonies & concertos, but....this one I find so terrific - it's interactive, fun & people are SO pumped & loyal - several people there had attended all 25 years of the singalong! There were also new people there - like the young man sitting next to me with his aunt (?), who didn't know anything about the music or the composer; his aunt explained it to him as the performance progressed. People behind & in front of me had the songbook & sang with gusto! Bravo!

NOTE: see 2010 Dec 24 entry re: Messiah!

And Sunday - it was a non-coffee day!

horoscope for today

2011-12-19T13:52:00.002-07:00

Scorpio
"Sometimes you need to spend time on your own, even if others are clamoring for your attention. You can put them off in ways that entice them to keep coming back, so when you're ready, they're there."

horoscope for today

2011-12-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Scorpio:
``You're feeling great about some new info that's just come your way -- so spread the word or hoard the secret. Information is king, and you are the kingmaker. It's time for you to decide what to do with this new position.``

Hmmmm....I wish I knew what this is about...

horoscope - the rest of December

2011-12-15T07:53:00.002-07:00

SCORPIO - the rest of the month:

"The 15th is a reckoning day for you at work. Do you need to talk to your boss? Your employers? Your own inner motivational voice? You're oh-so-totally tuned in on the 20th and 21st. Yep, your instincts are unerring and your impulses powerful. People can't get enough of you! Communicate your feelings and the 25th will be thoroughly enjoyable. Get as creative as you want to be, again, on the 28th, 29th and 30th. Bring that creativity with you as you make up your resolutions for the New Year. Resolve to go further with your creative instincts on the 31st. Then have a great night out."

is it - getting better?

2011-12-14T09:00:00.002-07:00

SCORPIO: "Watch out for others in a position to make your life difficult -- they are everywhere, of course, and you might find that your energy isn't enough to hold them off if need be. Things are getting better, though!"

window shopping of a kind

2011-12-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

After seeing my acupuncturist, I felt very relaxed & settled, & didn`t really want to go back to the sublet yet. So I went to my fave Goodwill, to see if they had anything new (lol). But really, I was in the mood to window shop. I looked at tops, skirts, shoes - a fine pair of patterned rubber boots for $6., like the ones they sell for $40 just up the street, perfect for the slush to come....but the wrong size. I spent a good long time looking at dishes, vases, knick knacks. I never made it to the books & music section. I knew I was going to be overheated in a short time, so I left. Without buying anything. I almost bought an interesting hand-thrown ceramic bowl, several smock-style tops (I`m lazy trying things on, so I would have been guessing if they fit or not) & a huge mug with a really comfortable grip. But...I put them all back & walked away.

Yesterday when my daughter & I went to see the new Loblaws-which-they-built-in-the-old-Maple-Leaf-Gardens, I bought some genmai green tea, with the rice & barley, which I ran out of last week. I`m enjoying this fresh loose tea again, to the point that I may give up coffee. To the once-a-week point.

I will try....

2011-12-13T15:30:00.001-07:00

I decided yesterday that I`ll go back to my one-coffee-a-week, starting tomorrow. So far, so good. I had a coffee yesterday & once again it was bitter - must have been from the bottom of the pot - & again, I was sitting with it at home, so I couldn`t ask for my money back, or another coffee. So...I weighed all my wants & needs & possibilities & came up with the fact that my coffee is a treat - so if I don`t have it EVERY day, it will taste better, I`ll enjoy it more. I will also sleep better, I`m sure (tho last nite I had a good sleep).

We shall see.

confusion - it`s the daylight

2011-12-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

I think I've figured out another reason why I'm feeling so "out of it" on this leave in T.O. For the last 9 years November & December have been DARK months for me - dark & cold in Yk. And since I work in a basement...well, even MORE dark. However, now that I'm in T.O. & see the sun every day for longer periods of time (& it's warmer)....my brain/body is confused. I've become used to sunrise @ 10:15 AM & sunset at 3:15 PM, & only seeing daylight at lunch time. It`s not a bad thing - it`s just confusing, & moreso because I`m on holiday...for a LONG time, not just a week, as I usually am.

day to day

2011-12-12T12:11:00.001-07:00

I decided to walk downtown yesterday aft & it "made" my day - seeing all the people strolling in the sun, with dogs, kids, & other people. It was interesting to see the storefronts too, & how they've changed since I last walked that way - must be 4-5 years ago. Later I mailed 2 holiday packages & watched the DVD of South Pacific I got from the library, totally hit the spot. (There was a singalong-karaoke feature on the disc, but I didn't need it - I know all the words!)

Then I had one of the worst nites (for sleep) in T.O. so far - I woke up at 1:15 & never really got back to any good sleep. I've gotten into the habit of listening to the radio in the middle of the nite when I wake up. It soothes me, yes, but it's a bad habit that I spent years getting over. Well I heard the 3 AM news, the 4 AM news, the 5 AM news, the start of the CBC morning show @ 5:30 & somehow drifted in & out of some light sleep - there was even a dream in there - I had VERY LONG hair - til 8, when I got up. I kind of decided that it would be a slow day, maybe I'd get dressed but stay in bed, my head felt so full of cotton...but I did the laundry & felt better. I lay down for a while & heard an interesting radio interview with P.D.James (she's 91 & has just published another book!).

I decided to join the drum circle at the nearby Aboriginal drop-in. I spent an hour there, drumming & trying to sing (like a sparrow among larks!). And...I came away with the most wonderful calm & "rested" feeling - no need for a nap...

Now I'm ready for the rest of my day...amazing how something can change a day like that. Thank you.

yes, it's kind of a boring day

2011-12-11T11:29:00.001-07:00

I had a lazy day yesterday - the highlight being that I reserved my ticket for the Singalong Messiah next Saturday at Massey Hall. (No, I'm not a Christian but beautiful spiritually-uplifting music isn't limited to any one faith or group, as I've said many many times.) Yes, I did make it to the library to drop off the 500 page The Little Stranger, which I FINALLY finished - not happy with the ending, or that it took 500 pages to get there...but I guess it's up to me to pick & choose books I will or won't read. I did make it to Starbuck's for a coffee - a bitter one, if I say so, but I was already back in the sublet when I tasted it. I spent the evening reading, knitting another scarf & NOT watching hockey on TV (no Leafs). I did have some Mozart & Handel on while I played solitaire & goofed around on the PC. But....I was in bed by 10:30!

Today - I'm debating whether to walk down to Canadian Tire & pick up a gift card or 2....or just veg out with a new book. No decision yet!

Aspiration bodhichitta

2011-12-11T11:09:00.001-07:00

‎"There's always a natural little "doctor" inside, wanting to make you better. It's there when you become aware of being self-absorbed, or in negative states of mind; the natural reaction is to move away from that. It doesn't have to be very strong; but right there, that's where aspiration bodhichitta comes in. A very natural bodhichitta, to move away from the small self when we see we're so attached to it; we want to have a more open, relaxed, larger self without the tension that self-concern requires. It's a very natural changing of direction slowly taking place, as long as one doesn't get hard on oneself at the time one notices."

---Dungse Jampal Norbu

Dreams this morn

2011-12-11T06:36:00.000-07:00

1. I'm in a large house/cottage. Just woke up, surrounded by kids - no other adults around. I'm intent to keep to myself, not be responsible for these kids - ages 3-11 or so). I get up & start making an omelette in my PJs, crack an egg into a pan & start adding spices. The stove at first looks uneven, then I notice it's not the stove, just a bureau. I move to the stove. One of the kids starts to bug me about what I'm doing. I turn away, knowing that he's after my egg! I have no intention of sharing or making one for him or any of those kids!

2. I'm wandering thro the snow drifts on a busy industrial suburb of T.O., even tho I know I'm supposed to be going to the CNE (which is held in the sumer). I try & walk behind huge trucks which are either stalled or stopped for a long time at the stoplights. I know this is dangerous, but I do it anyway. I can see the tents & buildings set up for the fair. I walk on top of a high snowbank, eager to try some of the food & see the performers. The walk there seems farther & farther away, but I keep walking & eventually reach the edge of the CNE. It's either very early or late; there are few people & staff, so I'm unable to get any food or get into a building. I keep walking. A man in a car honks at me & yells something I can't hear. I keep walking, looking for an open building or a booth with food & a staff.

Dene Nation Film

2011-12-10T07:26:00.004-07:00

Last nite I went to a screening of this film: "Dehcho Ndehe Gha Nadaotsethe ("Fighting For Our Land"), Q&A with Director Rebecca Garrett."

It's a 56 min doc, a community based video project commissioned by Dehcho First Nations, directed & produced by Rebecca Garrett, and Dehcho First Nations. The event was a fundraiser, to send a youth group to visit the DN next summer. (Cringing.....church youth group....)

It was kind of surreal, sitting in a church in Toronto, watching a film full of familiar NWT faces; I recognised many many visuals from my Yk video library. There was a good crowd (maybe 20 people) for such a small market cause & on a Friday nite; I'm assuming most of the young people there are in the youth group going to the DFN next summer. There were also 5 or 6 older people, interested in the topic, & wanting to talk about other venues where it could be shown. There were no First Nations people there.

There was a little of that church or religion-oriented interest in remote first nations, very serious questions about land title, etc. One man asked if it was a possibility that the DFN would be "moved from the land"; I couldn't contain myself - I laughed & said several times "It ain't going to happen, it'll never happen." The Dene have been on their land for thousands of years & are totally on the land where they belong. I don't think - or I doubt - that people without a land base like that, could comprehend the concept. Yes, it's an arrogant POV, but I believe this. It would be like trying to move all the insects & plants from the land...it ain't gonna happen.

The film is a very heavy history of the DFN; I would need to watch it many times to understand all the time lines. No, it's not something you could see once & "get" the history. Also, the director is not a First Nations person, but was hired to make the film. It must have been a very tough project to put together into an hour's worth of video.

I have to say I was missing my job & wanting to point out people in the film, who were not identified on the screen. ("I know him, her, them...") But I didn't, except to clarify a few comments by the director or the audience. There was one woman in the audience who had once "been to Yk" & made herself sound like an expert. When she said to me what a good time she had, on her weekend there, I really wanted to say something like "I'm sure I could have a good weekend in...Chernobyl"....but I didn't.

again....

2011-12-09T08:02:00.002-07:00

Scorpio
"Things are looking weirder and weirder the more closely you look at them. That could mean it's time to draw back and check out the big picture, but more likely, you need to fix up the details."

back to yoga

2011-12-08T18:48:00.001-07:00

I've been doing semi-sun salutations a few times a week for a few weeks now (lazy me, I could be doing it every day). I'm amazed at the size of my body, how my hips & belly & back have packed on the pounds in the last 3-4 years (mostly the last 2 winters). But I'm also delighted that I have the flexibility to do all the positions, albeit in a very rough way. It will take maybe a year for me to achieve a sort of good flow & do the positions properly.

I suppose in my mind I have the memory of me in my early 20s when I first started doing yoga: skinny as a stick & able to do everything but a headstand. I continued for almost 10 years, then off & on in a limited way thro the years. And in 2007, on my month-long retreat, for 30 minutes a day, which I continued (tho I cut it to 10-15 minutes until February this year, when I started to be be sick).

Now I've finally found a January to March gentle yoga class offered thro a community centre in Toronto, once a week for 2 hours. I look forward to limbering up, increasing my circulation & achieving better wellness.

And I will do my best to continue...new year's resolution? (Which I never make...)

Gotta get going....

2011-12-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

The last 2 nites I've had poor sleep, eaten some poor choices, suffered with stress & not MOVED enough. This morn I wanted to stay in bed, I feel like staying in all day, to watch TV & read. And eat. But the sun is shining...I HAVE to get out there & clear my head, & get my body moving.

see?????

2011-12-08T08:49:00.002-07:00

Scorpio
"It's hard not to feel antagonized by that colleague or friend who's showing off -- but try to be the grown-up. If you get sucked into a conflict, the odds are good that you may find yourself on the wrong end."

horoscopes

2011-12-07T09:43:00.001-07:00

My horoscopes have been SO BAD the last 2 weeks - telling me to beware of my reactions to comments by friends in case I alienate them, baskically telling me to stay home & bolt the door, not go out socially, & keep my opinions to myself. I can't remember such a spate of BAD horoscopes for ages...

Example - today's horoscope:

"You can't play nice today, even with your best friends. They're used to your occasional abrasive behavior, but this time you need to pull back from the brink of starting a full-scale war!"

What to do? I'm going out to lunch with a friend!

dream 1994

2011-12-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm going thro bags, boxes & piles of clothes & toys, picking out baby clothes. One has purple flowers, another has orange and brown ones. There are stretch pants, some underwear, jumpsuits & socks & slippers. It's a very colourful dream!

Mayan exhibit

2011-12-04T18:58:00.001-07:00

My daughter & I went to see the Mayan exhibit currently at the ROM. I knew it would be good, but I was impressed with the number of "touchable" copies of the artifacts available to feel. The videos about language and culture were very well done. All in all I liked the design & setting & really enjoyed the space and pace of the show.

We also went to the "fashion" area of the ROM & saw some of the paper dresses - like the ones I wore! - from the 1960s, and some of the most ancient lace in the museum's collection - from the 16th century. A knowledgeable staff filled us in on the details. I can't imagine the amount of time & attention it would take to make those textiles...

how a life can be lived....

2011-12-03T16:20:00.001-07:00

....all in one day.

This morn at 3:15 or so I went to the bathroom, as I usually do sometime in the nite. Barely awake. Flush the toilet - the water keeps running. I hate to, but I flush again, & a third time. I look in the tank - all that lovely water running running & overflowing into the pipe in the tank - it's supposed to stop at the top of that pipe. (I don't know what it's called...) I try to turn the water off (have done this many times in other apartments). The faucet under the tank won't budge. By now I'm panicking, but am still barely awake, barely understanding what's happening. I look desperately for the emergency number the tenant left me. I can't find it then realise it's in the kitchen right beside the phone (LOL). I call it. No answer. I call the number for the rent office. They give another emergency number. I call & wake up a woman & apologise profusely & describe the situation. (Water still rushing madly into the open pipe.) The woman tells me she's in a building north of me, & she's OFF DUTY, & I should call (the first) number, which is for the super IN my building. I describe how there was no answer. As she's telling me how it's NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY...the water shuts off. All is quiet. I apologise again profusely, then hang up.

Unfortunately by now I am hyper-awake & my heart rate is astronomically wild. I lie down & watch ads on TV for a while, have a drink of water, look at a magazine, walk around berating myself for letting this situation get to me so drastically.

I try & talk myself out of it: "No one died. There's no damage to the apartment or the toilet. There's no flooding. I had a great day - why spoil it?" But my body is not listening. I lie in bed trying to read, eventually turn off the light & stare into the dark room towards the streetlight flooding into the window. Why why why do I freak out like this when I can't be in control of a situation? Espec when I didn't do anything wrong?

Eventually I fall asleep, but sleep lightly & wake up exhausted & grumpy. I give myself a good 90 minutes to get my day going....after all - today is the day I go to my mother's to bake & decorate Xmas cookies with my daughter & niece.

OK - a couple of hours later I arrive & do that & it's a wonderful easy-going non-stressed few hours, just like it was supposed to be. The day ends with my daughter & I going shopping for clothes & then to dinner at Penrose Fish & Chips - we've been eating haddock & fries there regularly for some 35 years! We part after another mother-daughter bonding day that makes me happy to be here to see her so often.

This day was like a microcosm of my current life: all the angst, the fears, feelings of lack of control, unexpected bumps in the road - AND the nice enough weather, family ties, a holiday ritual & laughter & the warmth of being where I want to be.

interactive art

2011-12-02T12:11:00.001-07:00

I went to the AGO this morn, for my once a month visit, as I promised myself. I had no agenda, but as soon as I walked in, I saw some of the religious-based paintings, & decided I was only going to look at art that "met" me in some way. Nothing political (I saw the Russian propaganda exhibit last month) & nothing cutesy or too romantic...it just happened that way.

I saw some of my fave Canadian works, & spent a lot of time looking at paintings/sculptures that looked back at me. And wham! there was Tissot's "Shop Girl" - she's looking right at the viewer, she's holding the door open for me, she has a pleasant look on her face. And there is plenty happening all around her, including two people outside the store in conversation, I love it.

Then there was Jacob Epstein's Lydia, which again, looked right at me. I swear I could feel her eyes move!

I went to the 5th floor cafe, had a lovely little espresso & muffin & tried to avoid the swarms of noisy school kids who were all over the place. I didn't know that FRIDAY's were the busiest student day for the gallery.

I left BEFORE I got overtired, with a feeling of satisfaction & inspiration. Next time I'll have lunch in the member's lounge.

like a whoosh....

2011-12-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

Suddenly early this aft I felt an incredible change in my energy level - was that before or after I had a lovely coffee? - before! After seeing my acupuncturist on Tuesday, I felt things were brewing in me, kind of like a pot of soup starts warming from the bottom, then works its way to the top & boom you have a boiling pot! He told me to pay attention to how I felt 24, then 36 hours after my treatment. And this is it.

I feel motivated to DO SOMETHING tonite....even if it's just an after supper walk. Or go downtown to search for a certain CD I've only been able to find online (I need one of those stores that sells old AND new music). And....I feel that maybe my non-desire/fear of going out after dark on my own - is over!

OK - I won't get too excited right away, but I have managed to do some shopping & the laundry today, plus I went back to my Nanowrimo novel (tho the month was over yesterday) AND did not lose my temper talking to the bank staff looking after my leave money. I let her describe why the amount promised me was less than originally quoted (not sure why she didn't explain that to me in the first place) - but it's OK now.

Yes, I do feel good - & I don't say that lightly...

I've been thinking...

2011-11-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking off & on, all during my 2 months in the south - what is it about the arctic that makes me want to "be" there.

It's no secret that 1) I love & am satisfied & energised by my job in the arctic, 2) I am inspired by & supportive of the indigenous peoples & their cultures and challenges in the changing world, and 3) I love the weather & the nature of Nature (!) in the arctic. There is an air of quiet grandeur, & simple clean "rightness" about it: it's the way Nature should be & was, in other places before (some) people decided to try & control it. I feel settled with those things - I miss them when I'm away from them, & really have very few people in T.O. I can talk about arctic/indigenous issues with, who are on the same page. So that, in a very strange way, makes me "homesick".

But not for Yellowknife. Everybody knows that in my snobby way I find it less than adequate for my needs & interests. People there come & go & I often find myself not only alone but isolated in my interests; I can only think of one person there who truly understands this about me. I've learned not to waste my time looking for commonalities or kindred spirits. I just do what I do, keep myself busy, missing my friends & family & my T.O. home town.

I've been trying to figure out the emptinesses I feel in both places; somehow I seem to understand this now, why I have these feelings that something is missing in my life split between the north & the south. I tend to analyze & try to figure things out too much...I'm glad this came to me, but I'm not sure how or if this will help me enjoy the rest of my leave...better. More.

finally...

2011-11-30T11:27:00.002-07:00

As I was going out this morn it started to snow - & continued for about 90 minutes - but it won't stay on the ground, since it's not cold enough. After yesterday's all-day rain I decided I finally had to get those waterproof "winter" boots, since my sneakers & socks got wet. So I went back to one of the shoe stores I looked thro on Wednesday, & tried on 2 of the boots I'd liked. Surprise - the ones I chose were $10 off with a coupon the owner gave me as I was paying...but they were still in the over $30 range I wanted to pay. I was frustrated to see that even the rainboots I looked at were in the $40 price range. See, my feet don't get cold, but I don't like them getting wet. So now I'm ready to walk around outside, puddles & all.

doc "Coma" on TV

2011-11-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

http://comadocumentary.org/
Last nite I watched this excellent documentary on TV, which follows four brain injury patients, who have come out of comas. You meet their families, watch their recoveries & setbacks, & the doctors & staff who treat and work with them. It's one of those films that pulls you right in, so that you're totally involved with the story & the characters. Of course because of my own experience with brain surgery & epilepsy I felt extremely close to this topic & these people. And again, I felt the fear of dementia.

"Free" things

2011-11-28T08:21:00.001-07:00

Last week there was one of those "buy nothing today" days. I have no problems with that. I see maniacs fighting each other in American stores, using pepper spray & other weapons to acquire...things. I shake my head in disbelief as I see people with shopping carts full of...stuff, that will wear out, probably won't fulfill them anymore than a can of pop..& I'm thankful that I've learned the want/need definitions & can use them. Yes, of course I've bought things I didn't need (& save things I don't need anymore....I'll get to that one day) but I learned from the experience & try to remember it.

On the other hand, I have been enjoying "free" things very much: going for a walk, photographing some of my fave houses, streets, building, etc. Flowers, trees, a sunrise, the skyline. The LIBRARY SYSTEM - books, DVDs, CDs & WIFI. And even free events & movies (altho I do use my transit pass to get to them). Even working on my November (& August!) novel(s)!

Absolute best of all - visiting with friends & family, whether we go for lunch or tea or just talk. Doesn't cost a cent & makes EVERYone feel better.

genius quote

2011-11-28T06:25:00.001-07:00

"Every child is born a genius. It is my conviction, from having watched a great many babies grow up, that all of humanity is born a genius and then becomes de-geniused very rapidly by unfavourable circumstances, and by the frustration of all their extraordinary built-in capabilities."

- Buckminster Fuller

Friday adventures

2011-11-25T17:53:00.002-07:00

This morn I decided to walk down Yonge to the Summerhill area, & explore some of the residential streets on the east side. I took some pix of the houses & looked at the gardens & upset a dog until I crossed to the other side of the street. At some point I got lost in the Shafestbury St area - all those dead ends & alleys & streets looking out over the train tracks, on the east. However, I knew I wasn't far from Yonge & as long as I could hear the traffic - well, no I wasn't really lost. I just wanted to see some of the great old houses. I got back to the sublet quite tired & hot. By then the temp must have been 10 degrees.

In the picture are some apartments above stores I had my eye on; I spent many many years living above stores & restaurants & can't stop wondering what these apartments are like.

A little after noon I joined a small group of protesters to "occupy" the federal Aboriginal Affairs office, & bring awareness to the need for housing, clean water & health care in First nations communities - in the news recently - Attiwapiskat - but they are spread across the country. I spent about 90 minutes with 14 other people in the reception area of the offices; all the staff had gone to lunch or were hiding (so the group kept saying). I didn't bring any water or anything to eat, so I had to leave because I was fading fast.

I just had time to eat a small lunch, then head out to see a film with a friend. We were going to see The Way, but assumed from the newspaper listings that it was still playing. But it ended yesterday. So...we picked a film that was starting. So...we saw Leonardo deCaprio in the film about J.Edgar Hoover. I would not have chosen the film to see on my own, but we both found the lead excellent, but most impressive was the makeup & settings. Detail was well done.

Now I look forward to some homemade soup & a quiet evening watching TV & knitting.